In ten years of marriage, my husband and I have built a life full of love, chaos, and more “What just happened?” moments than I ever thought possible.
The first time I met his mom, I imagined it would be full of pleasantries and small talk. Instead, she launched into a detailed story about how he was not circumcised properly. I remember thinking, “Well, that’s an icebreaker.” Then there was the night he proposed, right where we had our first date—a moment so sweet and perfect that it felt like something out of a romantic movie.
And then there was the time I almost gave birth at a Dunkin’ Donuts on the Mass Pike. Nothing says “Welcome to the world, baby!” quite like the scent of burnt coffee and day-old Boston cream donuts.
There was the time I threatened to kill him—not in a way that would hold up in court, but in the way that only an eight-month-pregnant, severely sleep-deprived woman with acid reflux can because his snoring was so loud that I was convinced he was violating a noise ordinance. And let’s be honest—he probably was.
There was a time when we lost our son at Tanglewood. (Spoiler: We found him. But for a brief, heart-stopping moment, we both envisioned explaining to the authorities how we had misplaced a whole child at a music festival.) There was the time we discovered a raccoon living in our garage, and neither of us felt fully equipped to handle it. I have a law degree, and he’s a fully functional adult, but at that moment, it was just two confused people staring at a very smug raccoon, hoping it would leave on its own.
Then there were the more challenging times—the times that weren’t funny at the moment but, looking back, are proof of how deeply we love each other. Like when he nursed me back to health after the trifecta of appendix surgery, C. Diff., and an Addison’s diagnosis. I was exhausted, miserable, and barely functioning, and he stepped up in ways I will never forget. And then there was the time I repaid the favor when he tore a ligament in his knee and suddenly became the world’s neediest patient. (Sorry, babe, but it’s true.)
Through all of this—through the highs, the lows, and the completely absurd—we’ve learned a few things about what makes a marriage work:
1. You can’t always be serious about everything.
Life throws too much at you. Sometimes, you have to laugh—whether at a completely ridiculous situation, at each other, or yourself.
2. Good times and bad times go hand in hand.
You don’t get one without the other. Love isn’t built in the easy moments—it’s in the moments where everything is hard, and you still choose each other.
3. Divide and conquer.
Especially when it comes to parenting, one of us takes the kids to school; the other handles the mess left in their wake. One makes dinner; the other cleans up the disaster zone formerly known as the kitchen. We balance each other, and that’s the only way it works.
4. I still don’t understand why he needs to spend an hour in the bathroom pooping, but that’s okay.
Some things in life don’t make sense, and marriage means accepting those mysteries without question.
5. Boys are gross and smelly, and they like gross and smelly things.
But it’s okay. They do shower. Occasionally. Usually, with some prompting.
6. Love isn’t always about saying, “I love you.”
It’s about remembering how they take their coffee, even when they forget yours. It’s about biting your tongue when they’re being impossible and trusting they’ll do the same when it’s your turn. It’s about picking up the slack when the other person just can’t that day. It’s messy, complicated, and not always romantic—but it’s real.
Finally, love is choosing each other over and over again—every day, through every challenge, every ridiculous misadventure, and every quiet, ordinary moment in between.
