Thrive Parenting Solo: Practical Advice for Running the Show Alone

I spend a lot of time alone with my kids. I don’t mean that we stay secluded. I mean that their father travels a lot compared to other dads we know, and when he is home, he usually makes it just in time to tuck the girls in.

I have to be honest and say it is challenging. It is a physically and emotionally demanding reality. Not only because I have to take care of the workload alone but also because my kids are not themselves when their father is away for prolonged periods. But, as a family, we support him in his passion and work, and we roll up our sleeves and get to it. I try not to dwell on the “con” side of parenting solo.

It helps that this has been the only parenting life I have ever known. My firstborn was only two months old when her father was off to Hong Kong; that is how it’s been ever since. So, whether you’re alone for one weekend, one week, or several weeks, I have some practical advice on surviving parenting solo and maybe even thriving, too.

1. Take the good with the bad.

The routine is different when you’re alone, so act like it. A lot of pieces will be more complicated, but a lot will be easier, too. For example, their father and I disagree on how much dessert is too much for our kids. When Papa is away, it’s Ice Cream or Donut time! We choose a night to do a “sleepover,” where they get to sleep in my bed. We watch movies on the weekends. The best part is that there’s no commentary from him about whether my fun auntie vibes are a good parenting strategy. I subtly point out to my kids that there are some advantages to their father’s travel schedule and that we can make the most out of it, even if we miss him.

2. Don’t try to do it all. 

We cannot function at the same level when we are 100% alone. My husband happens to be a major contributor to the household chores when he’s home, and as such, I especially take on a lot more when he’s gone. So, I categorize the things that need to get done into groups of priority and start at the top. I never get to it all, but the things that get neglected are low-level priorities anyway. For example, the lunchboxes get prepped, homework and laundry get done, but maybe the garden isn’t going to get watered.

3. Prioritize your sanity.

Your kids need you now more than usual, and they don’t need an overwhelmed, cranky mom. Order delivery, go to a friend’s for a play date, increase the screen time allowance, have a midweek (or even daily) cocktail, use a Wash & Fold service, or hire a babysitter so you can go to meditation or a yoga class. Make it work so that when it’s time to have the homework and bedtime battles, you’re as patient and collected as possible.

4. Bring the kids into the fold.

I like to talk to my kids about everything that goes on with our family. I never want them to feel like life is happening to them. Even if they can’t contribute much, I speak to them about what’s going on and what the week or weekend might look like. This also gives them space to talk about their feelings, and it gives me space to acknowledge and empathize with them while also reiterating that we can get through it together by being there for each other and honoring our responsibilities to each other.

Parents are just people. You’re just a person underneath the mom label. If your work and passions take you out of the house, ensure your kids have a good example of a supportive partner. Be kind to each other, be each other’s cheerleaders, and then make it work for yourself when you’re on deck alone.

You’ll get through the experience of parenting solo as best you can and strengthen your bond with your kids, too.