Alright, I’m just going to come out and say it: I didn’t believe ADHD was a real thing.
Sure, back in the day, many of my clients had it as a diagnosis, but as a young therapist doing in-home therapy with at-risk youth, I wasn’t convinced it was a “true” disorder. It seemed to me these children were more a product of the times. Often rambunctious boys who couldn’t focus because they played too many video games and lacked structure at home.
Now, fast-forward ten-plus years to a parent-teacher conference for my second child. His third-grade teacher and I discussed academics and behavior. We talked about his focus, attention, and clowning around. She communicated what she observed in the classroom and then mentioned the words “ADHD.”
I was surprised, then concerned. On the drive home, I began the spiral of analyzing years of parenting choices and scrutinizing my mistakes. And then came the wave of guilt: “My gosh, I’ve failed him.”
I called my husband to tell him about the teacher’s concerns. We both agreed that our third child, who had always been the ever-moving, bouncing ball, most likely had ADHD, but our second child had never been on our radar for ADHD. He could sit still.
It has been over a year since that parent-teacher conference. I now have two kiddos officially diagnosed with ADHD. As their mother, as their advocate, and also as a therapist, I am diving into the research and educating myself on ADHD.
That young, naïve therapist I was back in the day had it all wrong. ADHD is a real thing. It is the most common neurodevelopmental disorder in childhood and is characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. ADHD affects executive functioning skills, including emotion regulation, working memory, and recall. Research shows there is a strong genetic link. ADHD falls on a spectrum and can affect each individual to varying degrees.
With this knowledge and understanding also comes relief. I am not the cause of my child’s ADHD. It is not something I did or didn’t do. I did not fail them.
Parenting a child who has ADHD isn’t easy. Being a child with ADHD isn’t easy. As a family, we focus on our strengths and build our support. We are working with the school, our wonderful pediatrician, outside resources, and a therapist. We are finding moments of celebration and giving ourselves grace. We are all learning as we go.
