I Am Not a Great Friend

Women my age often have a go-to group of friends. Sometimes, these are childhood or high school friends. Others are from college and sororities, mommy-and-me groups, or work. I have had these types of friends over the years, but often, we lose touch. Some were very close, and then, years later, we barely speak.

The logical conclusion is this: I am not a great friend.

First, I am chronically busy, and that can make me flaky. I admit this. My spouse and I both work full-time. During the week, by the time I’m home with both kids, I am DONE. As much as I appreciate the invitation for a play date or last-minute dinner, I will usually decline. I am also a solo mom at night, so I would have to ask my husband to come home early for a moms’ night.

We have long runs, church, extracurriculars, errands, and visiting with grandparents on the weekends. There is not much time for anyone outside of immediate family. This makes me a bad friend, especially a bad mom friend, because it takes several levels of coordination, stars aligning, and me being in the mood to make things happen.

Recently, I declined an invitation to a fall fest but replied, “Thank you. Please don’t stop inviting me to things; I’ll eventually be able to hang out.”

I am not great with communication (save for maybe two people). I will forget to text and call. I will definitely say, “Let’s get something on the calendar!” and never follow up. Heck, I barely text my husband. We communicate either in person or in memes. Honestly, I like smaller groups or one-on-one. Large groups get overwhelmed and overstimulated. My introverted self is fine in a social situation; it’s just about getting me there.

Because of all this, I have gone through phases of friends. There were the goth kids from high school, the trivia night team, the workout run club, and the mommy and me yoga group. I don’t really spend time with those people anymore, but many of them still hang out together. You definitely have to say after a while, maybe it’s me.

I may be a bad friend, but I’m ok with it. Sometimes, on social media, I see people taking trips together, having hibachi nights, or hosting huge play dates. I admit, it does give me some FOMO.

But to be honest, it seems exhausting to keep up with.

I have a few people I hang out with, some hobbies, many awesome date nights, parents who still let me hang out with them, and wonderful kids with full schedules. Do I need a hibachi night?

Maybe in the future, when my kids don’t need a bedtime routine or when we don’t have Friday night swim lessons or when I don’t feel so spent after work. But for now, I am not a great friend. And that’s OK.