As mothers, we are bound to encounter all sorts of unsolicited advice, well-meaning comments, and occasionally, just plain rude remarks from strangers. These interactions can come from anyone: a passerby, a coworker, or even a well-meaning relative, but they often leave me wondering, “Do people really think this is okay?” As much as I like to believe that most people don’t intend to be rude, there’s a recurring theme in the comments that always hits the wrong nerve.I’m a proud mom of three daughters.
And when I say proud, I mean it. I am blessed and incredibly grateful to raise such spirited, energetic, and fun-loving girls. We’re a loud bunch—whether laughing together at home or chatting away in public, our presence is usually heard before it’s seen. My girls are curious, creative, and full of life, and I wouldn’t change a thing about them. They dance and sing their way through restaurants and on our weekend trips to Target. Their imaginations run wild as they play dolls, build Lego castles and ride bikes.
When out with my gaggle of girls, there’s one question I inevitably get asked almost every time, and it always rubs me the wrong way.
“When are you going to have a boy?”
“Are you trying for a boy?”
“Poor dad, he needs a boy in that family!”
I have three healthy, happy daughters. Each of them is unique, and I am proud of the family we’ve built. So why do complete strangers feel the need to comment on the gender of my children—or worse, tell me I need to pop out another?
There’s something incredibly personal about how people feel entitled to comment on family dynamics. I’m sure most of these people don’t mean to be rude. They might even think they’re being funny or expressing concern for my husband, who, apparently, “needs a boy in the family.” But the truth is, my girls are more than enough. They’re not some placeholder until I get a son, nor do I feel the need to “try” for anything. The idea that my family is incomplete or lacking because it’s full of girls feels archaic and closed-minded.
Recently, we were out to dinner as a family of five. We were mid-game of a rousing round of Go Fish when the gentleman at the table next to us just had to comment. He told us he was the youngest of four, with three older sisters, and that we needed to go for the same. I can only imagine how rude my face looked at his unnecessary comment. I should have asked him if he would pay for our fourth child, the addition we would need to our home, the new car to fit the bigger crew, and all the joys of pregnancy and postpartum. Was he going to shoulder all of that?
It’s hard to respond to such comments with grace. After all, no one expects you to remain silent when someone asks something so personal and intrusive. But over time, I’ve learned to roll my eyes, give a dry “haha,” and move on. What else can you do when faced with an unwelcome comment that you know wasn’t meant to be rude but still feels invasive?
While I often let these comments slide, there are days when I want to snap back with a witty remark, calling attention to the absurdity of the question. But for the most part, I simply shrug and carry on.
Every family is unique, and the love between parents and their children should never be contingent on whether a son or daughter is in the mix. The next time someone asks when I’m going to have a boy, I hope I can be quick-witted and have a smooth comeback.
