Lately, there have been a few comments on local Facebook pages about what moms have seen other moms doing in public, and I worry that this trend is both divisive and judgmental.
If someone were to see me for a fraction of my day, they would have no idea what my life is like. Social media is a haven for screening. Users usually capture only the best moments to create a montage of happiness, but I have seen it work in reverse lately.
A mom is seen giving her child a donut at 10 a.m., and everyone assumes the child doesn’t have a healthy diet. A mom loses her patience with a toddler at the playground, and suddenly, that mom is abusive. A mom checks her phone for an important email; others claim she ignores her child.
Here’s a list of things you might “catch” a mom doing that doesn’t necessarily make her the devil incarnate.
Junk Food
I might be a Reese’s-loving mama, but my girl only gets the healthy stuff! Most days, she eats homemade bread, muffins, quinoa, veggie pancakes, and fruit smoothies. And you might see her shoving a chocolate doughnut into her mouth on Saturday morning. Yup, she goes with her father every Saturday to a local doughnut shop and gets an unhealthy treat.
If you happen to see this, you might shake your head in disgust and wonder what kind of diet this poor child has. If you knew me, you would know that this happens exactly once a week and that other days are spent eating the healthiest things I can find. This snapshot of my doughnut-eating toddler tells you nothing about her eating habits.
Phone Usage
We can all admit to a little bit of iPhone addiction. You might even see me checking my phone on the playground (gasp). Does that mean that my daughter runs wild while I scroll for hours on Instagram? No, it does not. It means that my daughter is probably playing safely on a swing as I push her, and I have to answer a text message from my husband. It might also mean that I’m looking at a funny text from my friend. Does that make me a bad mom? Absolutely not.
It also doesn’t mean I spend hours on my phone while my daughter is starved for attention. Spend a day with me in my technology-free household (aside from 30 minutes of Daniel Tiger each afternoon before nap), and you might see that neither my daughter nor I use devices most of the time when she is awake. Think you know that mom on the phone at the park? Think again.
Yoga Pants
I’m not going to lie and say I don’t like to slip on my most comfy Lululemon pants on a Monday morning and call it a day. You might see me in my yoga pants on more than one occasion. Does that mean I’m a “lazy” mom who has “let herself go?” Nope. In fact, if you followed me, you might see that I like to get down and dirty with my toddler in the parks and playgrounds.
You might see me heading towards the gym another day to work out. On another day, you might see me just plain tired and not wanting to get all dressed up for the day. That mom wearing her yoga pants might be a hands-on mama, a workout mama, or just a tired mama. Maybe she has a newborn at home, and this is the first moment she’s gotten out of the house. It’s okay to wear some yoga pants occasionally, so take the pressure off and let that mom enjoy her darn comfortable pants.
Mom Chatting
You’ve definitely seen some moms chatting it up in a mommy-and-me class or on the playground. You might have seen her child pulling at her and whining for attention. Does your mind automatically think that she’s just living it up and ignoring her child? If it does, think again. Maybe her child has already been told the answer to their request, and she is showing her amazing “I don’t see or hear you” skills. Maybe her friend has told her something important, and she needs to finish up the 20-second conversation before she addresses her child. This might have been the only adult conversation since 6 a.m., and she’s savoring the two minutes she has with this buddy.
I could list many other examples here, but that would take forever. The point is that nobody knows what kind of mom you are except you. Mamas, we are all fighting a hard battle every day. We could all do without the raised eyebrows, whispering, or judgmental stares. Try a smile, a thumbs up, or a knowing glance. This job we call motherhood isn’t easy; we need to be kind to one another.
