I grew up loving the movie Pollyanna. I learned a lot from her attitude about life. There’s always something to be glad about. Find the good and the good gets better is my adult version of Pollyanna’s mantra.
I regularly practice gratitude and believe it to be a healthy life practice. There are days when it’s perfectly alright to throw my hands up in the air, curse, and sit in my frustration. All feelings are valid. Throw those silver linings out the window.
Crap happens. Tragedies, illnesses, pandemics (apparently), annoyances, and any of these most likely are not in your control. Life means you cannot hide from the lows. It’s OK to get upset and want to yell and be mad. Go ahead and get it out! Luckily, we know life also includes the high points. Do we really need to force ourselves to find good in the not-so-great times?
Some years back, my family and I were flying home from vacation. About 20 minutes before landing in New York, my middle daughter threw up everywhere. Because we were landing, the flight attendants couldn’t help us just yet. Once we landed, everyone jumped up from their seats, knowing that we needed some paper towels and other cleaning needs and that there was no way to get them.
The poor kid had to wait until the flight was deplaned before we could clean her up. It was a challenging situation for her, and she was upset. My brain immediately wanted to talk about the silver linings, like the fact that it was the end of our trip and not the beginning.
Sometimes, we can find the silver linings; sometimes, we can’t. At that moment, my daughter didn’t have to be told to find something good in the situation. She was a mess; it smelled terrible, and I could see she was holding back the tears. It was as if she needed permission to be upset. I wanted to yell, “Let it out, baby, throw those silver linings out the window!” Scream and cry and be mad. Go for it. Your feelings are valid.
I don’t want my kids, especially the girls, to think they have to be nice and sweet even when they want to scream and cry.
We know the sun will shine again. We know it gets better. The good times will come around again. Allow the feelings. Be seen. Be heard. Don’t keep it inside or force yourself to cover over the crap to make it seem not so bad. Your feelings are valid. You’ll get through it after you go through it.
I think it’s necessary to also educate yourself on the warning signs of a mental health crisis and know where to get help if needed.
