This year, I will be a mom for a full twenty years! And you would think in that amount of time, I would have everything figured out. Parenting continues to morph and change with each child, at each stage of maturity, and with each decade of life I reach. What has stayed the same is that every new step includes a variety of mom’s pain points.
These struggles seem like a big deal, and you are never sure how to make them less painful. I think they are inevitable. Let’s discuss how to deal with mom’s pain points.
The Early Years
These new pain points include recovery from giving birth, possibly breastfeeding, lack of sleep, and adjusting to this new normal. Your life has turned upside down, and no matter how well prepared you thought you were, you constantly say, “Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?!”
- Learning to let go of the guilt is key. You NEED to rest as much as possible.
- Move a little. Even five minutes helps. After putting the baby down, I would do a few minutes of yoga. Walking down the street for a few minutes with the baby in the stroller was a lifesaver; the fresh air was so needed.
- Make friends with people who have kids the same age. This little tribe is invaluable.
The Elementary Years
Pain points at this step may include the difficulty of balancing work and life, changing relationships, or possibly dealing with special needs. The kids seem pretty happy now, but they are so busy!
- Managing the household feels like a full-time job; stay organized. A household calendar is necessary. It seems like overkill, but we have a shared online calendar, a paper planner for myself, and a household paper calendar hanging up in the kitchen for the kids to see. I also use a whiteboard, hanging under the calendar, for the week ahead so everyone knows what is happening. It even includes appointments for the dogs.
- I cannot stress this enough: Nurture relationships! Go on dates with your spouse, make plans with friends, and book trips. Plan ahead if necessary, but make sure you fit in the fun, including fun with your kids and without.
The Middle Years
The maturity of the kids in the middle years is a nice welcome! The first time I could go out with my husband and not need a babysitter was a night I won’t forget. The kids need that confidence you show them you have for them. Mom’s pain points around this time might include burnout, perimenopause, dealing with aging parents, and social stresses for the kids.
- Focus on what you can control. You’ve heard this a million times, I’m sure. When faced with struggles, take the next best step. What can you do right now to make your life easier?
- Plan an entire day off. You yourself. This is harder said than done, but talk to your spouse, a friend, or grandma, and plan a day to do whatever you want. If that isn’t possible, take it a notch down and plan a brain-dead day. That’s a day where I get the kids off to school, take care of some household needs, and literally sit on the couch or bed and watch TV all day or read an entire book. No consuming social media or the news, and ignore the phone.
The High School and College Years
This is where I’m at now. My pain points include worrying about my son off at college, helping my middle daughter think about what she wants to do after high school, menopause ups and downs, deaths of loved ones, burnout, and general existential dread.
- My journal is my best friend. I’m being dramatic, but writing it all out at least every couple of days does wonders for my soul. Many people have told me they took my advice and started doing the same, and holy cow; it actually does make a difference! Trust me.
- Doctor’s appointments need to be made. Ugh. I’m struggling with this one because it feels overwhelming to add to my list of appointments for me and my family. I’m at the age where my doctor wants me to see a cardiologist and get my hip pain checked out by a physical therapist. My dentist is wondering if I want to do anything about my shifting bottom teeth (like what?!), and to be really honest, I’m reading about hormone replacement therapy (don’t come at me! We do what we need to do! I trust the research).
- This sounds dreadful, but keep a nice black outfit in your closet. Sadly, I have found this need to come back time and time again. I don’t want to even count the number of funerals I’ve gone to in the last few years; it’s just something that happens as we age. I have a very large family (no joke, I have over 100 first cousins), and I’m on the younger side of them.
- Hang onto those friends! Make the time to keep connections alive and well. My friends can pull me out of despair (even if they don’t know it), be there at a moment’s notice, and understand a stress-induced text on the fly.
